SHELBYVILLE, Tenn., April 12, 2010
Int'l Outrage Over 7-Year-Old's Return to Russia; Expert Says Many Adoptive Parents Sympathetic to Mother's Plight
(CBS) "The president of Russia is calling it a "monstrous deed" - the decision by a Tennessee woman to send her adopted son back to his homeland, alone.
Now authorities in Shelbyville are investigating the actions of Torry and Nancy Hansen, the adoptive mother and grandmother of 7-year-old Artyom Savelyev.
On CBS' "The Early Show" this morning, Bedford County Sheriff Randall Boyce said his department is checking into what (if any) crime was committed.
"We'll have to go through this with kind of a fine tooth comb and see exactly what has been done here. Was this a poor judgment on her part, or has something illegal been done? ..."
"Boyce said what his investigators have been hearing so far indicates continued problems in the Hansen home: "What we're getting mostly is that he had violent issues and that they were more or less afraid of him, as far as trying to burn the house while they were asleep. I think he threatened some of these things. But it's still early. We're not exactly sure what the whole deal is..." "It Got to Be Where You Feared for Your Safety'"... Read More
Point of View
I feel for both the woman and the adoptive boy. I really do. My husband and I are both former foster parents and adoptive parents too. While I can't say I condone the adoptive mother's actions, in sending the child back on a plane alone, I can say, been there, done that. In a similar fashion, anyway.
Twenty years ago, when I was 36, we were hoping to adopt an older child, as a sibling to our natural born daughter, but were saddened to find out just how long it took to adopt a child in the U.S. We too thought about trying to adopt a child from another country but found it to be a very confusing and lengthy process.
In talking with our local social services department, we were told we could become foster parents, allowing us to adopt much quicker. We decided to go that route. After an almost two year training process, we were finally approved.
Our first foster child was a newly born infant, removed immediately from a drug abusing mother, who was supposedly involved in witchcraft. Although we were a bit unnerved that security guards escorted us to our car, we felt everything would be fine once we got the baby home. It wasn't.
Oh, we did fine. We managed the usual way that parents bringing a new baby home do. However, unlike most new parents, who are able to feed and cuddle their baby, we quickly found out there were problems with doing that. Unfortunately, this poor baby girl was going through drug withdrawal.
She ate poorly and over-reacted to the slightest stimulation, whether by lights, voice, or touch, with spastic, jerky arm and leg movements, and constant, shrill screaming. When she was laid back down, she stopped. After doing some research, I found that this was normal behavior for drug addicted babies.
Following suggestions, I tried to avoid stimulating her any more than was necessary. I kept her swaddled, tried to hold her lightly, while feeding, bathing, and changing, then quickly put her back in her crib, turning off the light. As soon as that happened, she calmed right down. When we turned the light back on, to check on her, she would start all over again.
Sadly, It was obvious that this baby was going to have life long developmental, and most probably, emotional, problems due to her mother's drug abuse. She stayed with us for one week before the court approved a relative to take her. Although we missed her, and felt so sad for her, I hate to admit, but, it was also a relief. I knew we could not go through that again.
Still, the day after the little baby left our care, I was shedding tears for her, when I received a call from DSS again. The social worker asked me what was wrong. I told her that I missed the baby. And she said, " Well, don't cry too long. We have a new born little boy, going up for adoption. Are you interested?"
Were we interested? Since our daughter was eleven, we hadn't even given thought about adopting a baby. My husband and I took all of about 30 seconds to ask each other if we were too old before giving the social worker a resounding, Yes!
That was 18 years ago. Today, our adopted son is getting ready to graduate from high school and will be going off to college in the Fall. Were there developmental issues? Yes, his mother was drug addicted too - just with a different kind of drug. We weren't told until after we brought him home and I immediately noticed that he was a very "floppy" baby, ate poorly, and slept too much.
He was diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome at birth, was withdrawing from valium, after birth, and he didn't talk until he was five. We enrolled him in Child Find at the age of two and started out using sign language to communicate. We fought the PS system, to hold him back in first grade, and continued with speech therapy through fifth grade.
Our third experience as foster/adoptive parents involved two siblings, a four year old boy and his three year old sister. At the time of their placement, I was not told anything about them. I received a call from DSS and an hour later they arrived at our house.
The same day they arrived, I realized that something was seriously wrong, when I walked into our living room, and saw the four year old sexually "self-stimulating", while his sister stood there, watching him and laughing. I called DSS and got a report of claims of sexual abuse, of both children, by the parents.
I told the DSS worker what I had witnessed and requested an immediate evaluation by a child psychologist. As it turned out, this was one of the worst child sexual abuses cases in the county at the time. And for our family, it turned out to be nine months of excruciating emotional torture.
Both of these children had been horribly abused from the time they were born. Their older sister had already been removed from their home, two years prior to this, for the same complaint. After the initial Child Psych evaluation, the boy was immediately placed in a hospital specialized Child Psych unit. I received a report that, while he was there, he told, in horrifying, explicit detail, of his sexual abuse by both parents. He never came back.
The three year old girl, I'll call Tabitha, a highly intelligent child, remained with us for nine months. Even though we worked closely with Child Psych, for the whole nine months, her behavior was very violent. She continuously hit, kicked, screamed, cussed, and bit, whenever she heard the word, "NO".
Which, unfortunately, was often. Times like, when we were standing in a line at the bank one day, and she started to run around, and I told her to stop. She proceeded to cuss a blue streak, "F" bombs spewing out of her mouth that would make a sailer do much more than blush.
Everyone in the bank turned and stared - no - glared, at me so bad I just wanted to crawl away and hide in some hole. Of course, they all thought she was my kid. This happened everywhere we went. She may have been only three years old, but this was one tough cookie. I'd never seen anything like it in my life. Nor had my long time babysitter I used when I worked. After three weeks, she had to ask me to remove her.
I consider myself a very caring, loving mother. My husband is the same way. I followed all the child advice books back then, never, ever laid a hand on any child, and provided plenty of hugs and kisses for our own children as well as our foster children. I sought advice from Child psych every visit. I bought every book I could find. I often sat, while Tabitha, as she played with the our daughter's old Barbie dolls, and spoke of the same horror her brother had gone through.
The only thing that worked at all, and that was very little, was trying behavior modification. But it wasn't enough. Nothing was going to work with this child. After nine months of pure, emotional anguish, for all of us; after nine months of constantly consulting with both DSS and Child Psych, trying to get sufficient help - DSS, being less than willing, I finally had to call DSS & request her immediate removal, after Tabitha, at the age of four, was caught trying to smother our infant son with a pillow.
She was transferred the next day to FACETS, a group of specialy trained homes, for children like this. I met with the new foster mom, explained the last nine months, and sincerely wished her luck. About a year and a half later, I happened to run into her. The poor thing looked like she'd been through Hell and back.
I asked about Tabitha and was told she was no longer with them. She told me everything they'd gone through, about how violent the child was towards their nieces and nephews, and about getting no help whatsoever from DSS, except that DSS demanded that their relatives' children were not allowed to visit their house, to prevent them from getting hurt. The foster mom told me she and her husband ended up being completely isolated from their own families.
Even these specially trained foster parents couldn't handle her. In the end, Tabitha had to be institutionalized. That was the last I heard of her but I've never forgotten her, or forgotten how hard it is to get help from DSS, when dealing with severely disturbed children such as these.
Our son's story, though, is an example of how a sad beginning can become a success story, depending on such factors as how old the child is when adopted, type and amount of drug use during pregnancy, any previous life experiences, the type of disability, and the type and amount of outside professional support provided for the child.
I believe prospective adoptive parents should ask questions regarding the child's history before adopting. It's also important that adoption agencies, whether foreign or domestic, be honest with the prospective adoptive parents. Some can handle all the negative emotional and behavioral issues, which may be exhibited very quickly, once the child is settled in their new home. Some can't. Then again, there are some extradinarily difficult cases, which most parents, might have difficulty handling.
In our case, our son has been an absolute blessing to our whole family and we're very thankful that he came to live with us. Both of our children are the light of our lives. But My heart goes out to both the Russian child and his former adoptive mom. I'm sorry it didn't work out for them. In my own humble opinion, having gone through it ourselves, I believe it's probably best for all sides, especially the media, just to leave things be, and let each get on with their own lives.
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